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Gulliver's Travels (1726) |
Jonathan Swift |
| 1 |
MY Master was yet wholly at a
Loss to understand what Motives could incite this Race of Lawyers to perplex, disquiet, and weary
themselves, and engage in a Confederacy
of Injustice, merely for the Sake of injuring their Fellow-Animals; neither
could he comprehend what I meant in
saying they did it for Hire. Whereupon I was at much Pains to describe
to him the Use of Money, the Materials it was made of, and the Value
of the Metals; that when a Yahoo had
got a great Store of this precious Substance, he was able to purchse whatever he had a mind to, the finest Cloathing, the noblest Houses, great Tracts
of Land, the most costly Meats and
Drinks, and have his choice of the
most beautiful Females. Therefore
since Money alone, was able to perform all these Feats, our Yahoos
thought, they could never have enough
of it to spend or to save, as they found
themselves inclined from their natural
Bent either to Profusion or Avarice.
That the Rich Man enjoyed the Fruit
of the Poor Man's Labour, and the latter were a thousand to one in proportion to the former. That the Bulk of
our People were forced to live miserably, by labouring every Day for small
Wages to make a few live plentifully.
I enlarged myself much on these and
many other Particulars to the same purpose: But his Honour was still to
seek: For he went upon a supposition
that all Animals had a Title to their
share in the Productions of the Earth,
and especially those who presided over
the rest. Therefore he desired I would
let him know, what these costly Meats
were, and how any of us happened to
want them. Whereupon I enumerated
as many sorts as came into my Head,
with the various Methods of dressing
them, which could not be done without sending Vessels by Sea to every
part of the World, as well for Liquors
to Drink, as for Sauces, and innumerable other Conveniencies. I assured him,
that this whole Globe of Earth must
be at least three times gone round,
before one of our better Female Yahoos
could get her Breakfast, or a Cup to
put it in. He said, That must needs
be a miserable Country which cannot
furnish Food for its own Inhabitants.
But what he chiefly wondered at was
how such vast Tracts of Ground as I
described should be wholly without
Fresh-water, and the People put to the
Necessity of sending over the Sea for
Drink. I replied, that England (the
dear Place of my Nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity
of Food, more than its Inhabitants are
able to consume, as well as Liquors extracted from Grain, or pressed out of
the Fruit of certain Trees, which made
excellent Drink, and the same Proportion in every other Convenience of Life.
But in order to feed the Luxury and Intemperance of the Males, and the Vanity of the Females, we sent away the
greatest Part of our necessary Things to
other Countries, from whence in return
we brought the Materials of Diseases,
Folly, and Vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of Necessity,
that vast Numbers of our People are
compelled to seek their Livelihood by
Begging, Robbing, Stealing, Cheating,
Pimping, Forswearing, Flattering, Suborning, Forging, Gaming, Lying,
Fawning, Hectoring, Voting, Scribling,
Stargazing, Poysoning, | 2 |
THAT Wine was not imported among us from foreign Countries, to supply the want of Water or other Drinks,
but because it was a sort of Liquid
which made us merry, by putting us
out of our Senses; diverted all melancholy Thoughts, begat wild extravagant Imaginations in the Brain, raised
our Hopes, and banished our Fears, suspended every Office of Reason for a
Time, and deprived us of the Use of
our Limbs, till we fell into a profound
Sleep; although it must be confessed,
that we always awaked sick and dispirited, and that the Use of this Liquor filled us with Diseases, which made
our Lives uncomfortable and short.
| 3 |
BUT beside all this, the Bulk of our
People supported themselves by
furnish | 4 |
I WAS going on to tell him of another sort of People, who get their Livelihood by attending the Sick, having upon some Occasions informed his Honour
that many of my Crew had died of Diseases. But here it was with the utmost
Difficulty, that I brought him to apprehend what I meant. He could easily
conceive, that a Houyhnhnm grew weak
and heavy a few Days before his Death,
or by some Accident might hurt a
Limb. But that Nature, who works all
Things to Perfection, should suffer any
Pains to breed in our Bodies, he thought
it impossible, and desired to know the
Reason of so unaccountable an Evil. I
told him, we fed on a thousand Things
which operated the one contrary to
each other; that we eat when we were
not hungry, and drank without the Provocation of Thirst; That we sate whole
Nights drinking strong Liquors without
eating a Bit, which disposed us to Sloth,
enflamed our Bodies, and precipitated
or prevented Digestion. That prostitute Female Yahoos acquired a certain
Malady, which bred Rottenness in the
Bones of those, who fell into their Embraces; That this and many other Diseases, were propagated from Father to
Son, so that great Numbers come into
the World with complicated Maladies
upon them; that it would be endless to
give him a Catalogue of all Diseases incident to human Bodies; for they could
not be fewer than five or six hundred, spread over every Limb, and
Joynt; in short, every Part, external
and intestine, having Diseases appropriated to them. To remedy which, there
was a Sort of People bred up among
us, in the Profession or Pretence of curing the Sick. And because I had some
Skill in the Faculty, I would in Gratitude to his Honour, let him know the
whole Mystery and Method by which
they proceed.
| 5 |
THEIR Fundamental is, That all
Diseases arise from Repletion, from
whence they conclude, that a great
Evacuation of the Body is necessary,
either through the natural Passage, or
upwards at the Mouth. Their next
Business is, from Herbs, Minerals,
Gums, Oyls, Shells, Salts, Juices, Seaweed, Excrements, Barks of Trees,
Serpents, Toads, Frogs, Spiders, dead
Mens Flesh and Bones, Beasts and Fishes, to form a Composition for Smell and
Taste the most abominable, nauseous
and detestable, they can possibly contrive, which the Stomach immediately rejects with loathing; and this they
call a Vomit; or else from the same
Store-house, with some other poysonous
Additions, they command us to take in
at the Orifice above or below, (just as
the Physician then happens to be disposed) a Medicine equally annoying
and disgustful to the Bowels, which relaxing the Belly, drives down all before
it, and this they call a Purge, or a Glyster.
For Nature (as the Physicians alledge)
having intended the superior anterior
Orifice only for the intromission of Solids and Liquids, and the | 6 |
BUT, besides real Diseases, we are
subject to many that are only imaginary, for which the Physicians have
Invented imaginary Cures; these have
their several Names, and so have the
Drugs that are proper for them, and
with these our Female Yahoos are always infested.
| 7 |
ONE great Excellency in this Tribe
is their Skill at Prognosticks, wherein
they seldom fail; their Predictions in
real Diseases, when they rise to any Degree of Malignity, generally portending
Death, which is always in their Power,
when Recovery is not: And therefore,
upon any unexpected Signs of Amendment, after they have pronounced their
Sentence, rather than be accused as false
Prophets, they know how to approve
their Sagacity to the World by a seasonable Dose.
| 8 |
THEY are likewise of special Use to
Husbands and Wives, who are grown
weary of their Mates, to eldest Sons,
to great Ministers of State, and often
to Princes.
| 9 |
I HAD formerly upon occasion discoursed with my Master upon the Nature of Government in general, and particularly of our own excellent Constitution, deservedly the Wonder and Envy
of the whole World. But having here
accidentally mentioned a Minister of
State; he commanded me some time
after to inform him, what Species of
Yahoo I particularly meant by that
Appellation.
| 10 |
I TOLD him, that our She Governor or Queen having no Ambition to
gratify, no Inclination to satisfy of extending her Power to the Injury of her
Neighbours, or the Prejudice of her
own Subjects, was therefore so far from
needing a corrupt Ministry to | 11 |
THERE are three Methods by which
a Man may rise to be chief Minister:
The first is, by knowing how with Prudence to dispose of a Wife, a Daughter,
or a Sister: The second, by betraying or
undermining his Predecessor: And the
third is, by a furious Zeal in publick Assemblies against the Corruptions of the
Court. But a Wise Prince would rather choose to employ those who practice the last of these Methods; because
such Zealots prove always the most
obsequious and subservient to the Will
and Passions of their Master. That
these Ministers having all Employments
at their Disposal, preserve themselves
in Power by bribing the Majority of a
| 12 |
THE Palace of a Chief Minister, is
a Seminary to breed up others in his
own Trade: The Pages, Lacquies, and
Porter, by imitating their Master, become Ministers of State in their several Districts, and learn to excel in the
three principal Ingredients, of Insolence, Lying, and Bribery. Accordingly, they have a Subaltern Court paid
to them by Persons of the best Rank,
and sometimes by the Force of Dexterity and Impudence, arrive through
several Gradations to be Successors to
their Lord.
| 13 |
HE is usually governed by a decayed Wench or favourite Footman,
who are the Tunnels through which
all Graces are conveyed, and may properly be called, in the last Resort, the
Governors of the Kingdom.
| 14 |
ONE Day in Discourse my Master,
having heard me mention the Nobility
of my Country, was pleased to make
me a Compliment which I could not
pretend to deserve: That he was sure,
I must have been born of some Noble
Family, because I far exceeded in
Shape, Colour, and Cleanliness, all the
Yahoos of his Nation, although I seemed to fail in Strength, and Agility, which
must be imputed to my different Way
of Living from those other Brutes, and
besides, I was not only endowed with
the Faculty of Speech, but likewise
with some Rudiments of Reason, to a
Degree, that with all his Acquaintance
I passed for a Prodigy.
| 15 |
HE made me observe, that among
the Houyhnhnms, the White, the Sorrel, and the Iron-grey, were not so exactly shaped as the Bay, the Dapplegrey, and the Black; nor born with
equal Talents of the Mind, or a Capacity to improve them; and therefore
continued always in the Condition of
Servants, without ever aspiring to match
out of their own Race, which in that
Country would be reckoned monstrous
and unnatural.
| 16 |
I MADE his Honour my most humble Acknowledgements for the good
Opinion he was pleased to conceive of
me; but assured him at the same time,
that my Birth was of the lower Sort,
having been born of plain honest Parents, who were just able to give me
a tolerable Education: That Nobility
among us was altogether a different
Thing from the Idea he had of it;
That our Young Noblemen are bred
from their Childhood in Idleness and
Luxury; that as soon as Years will permit, they consume their Vigor, and
contract odious Diseases among lewd
Females; and when their Fortunes are
almost ruined, they marry some Woman of mean Birth, disagreeable Person, and unsound Constitution, merely
for the Sake of Money, whom they
hate and despise. That the Productions
of such Marriages are generally scrophulous, ricketty, or deformed Children, by which means the Family seldom continues above Three Generations, unless the Wife takes care
to provide a healthy Father among
her Neighbours, or Acquaintance, in
order to improve and continue the
Breed. That a weak diseased Body, a
meager Countenance, and sallow Complexion, are no uncommon Marks of
a Great Man; and a healthy robust
Appearance is so far disgraceful in a
Man of Quality, that the World is apt
to conclude his real Father to have
been one of the Inferiors of the Family, especially when it is seen that the
Imperfections of his Mind run parallel
with those of his Body and are little
else than a Composition of Spleen, Dulness, Ignorance, Caprice, Sensuality,
and Pride.
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UTEL [ History of English | English Composition | Literary Authors | Literary Works | Literary Criticism ]