UTEL [ History of English | English Composition | Literary Authors | Literary Works | Literary Criticism ]
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Gulliver's Travels (1726) |
Jonathan Swift |
| 1 | THIS Academy is not an entire single Building, but a Continuation of several Houses on both sides of a Street, which growing wast was purchased and applyed to that Use. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 2 | I was received very kindly by the Warden, and went for many Days to the Academy. Every Room hath in it one or more Projectors, and I believe I could not be in fewer than five Hundred Rooms. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 3 | THE first Man I saw was of a meager Aspect, with sooty Hands and Face, his Hair and Beard long, ragged and singed in several places. His Cloths, Shirt, and Skin were all of the same Colour. He had been eight Years upon a Project for extracting Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers, which were to be put into Vials hermetically Sealed, and let out to warm the Air in raw inclement Summers. He told me, he did not doubt in eight Years more, he should be able to supply the Governors Gardens with Sun-shine at a reasonable Rate; but he complained that his Stock was low, and entreated me to give him something as an Encouragement to Ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear Season for Cucumbers. I made him a small Present, for my Lord had furnished me with Money on purpose, because he knew their Practice of begging from all who go to see them. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 4 | I went into another Chamber, but was ready to hasten back, being almost overcome with a horrible stink. My Conductor pressed me forward, conjuring me in a Whisper to give no offence, which would be highly resented, and therefore I durst not so much as stop my Nose. The Projector of this Cell was the most Ancient Student of the Academy. His Face and Beard were of a pale Yellow; His Hands and Cloths dawbed over with Filth. When I was presented to him, he gave me a very close Embrace, (a Compliment I could well have excused.) His Employment from his first coming into the Academy was an Operation to reduce human Excrement to its original Food, by separating the several Parts, removing the Tincture which it receives from the Gall, making the Odour exhale, and scumming off the Saliva. He had a weekly Allowance from the Society of a Vessel filled with Human Ordure, about the bigness of a Bristol Barrel. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 5 | I saw another at work to calcine Ice into Gun-Powder, who likewise shewed me a Treatise he had written concerning the Malleability of Fire, which he intended to publish. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 6 | THERE was a most ingenious Architect who had contrived a new Method for building Houses, by beginning at the Roof and working downwards to the Foundation, which he justified to me by the like Practice of those two prudent Insects the Bee and the Spider. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 7 | THERE was a Man born blind, who had several Apprentices in his own Condition: Their Employment was to mix Colours for Painters, which their Master taught them to distinguish by feeling and smelling. It was indeed my Misfortune to find them at that time not very perfect in their Lessons, and the Professor himself happened to be generally mistaken: This Artist is much encouraged and esteemed by the whole Fraternity. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 8 | IN another Apartment I was highly pleased with a Projector, who had found a Device of Plowing the Ground with Hogs, to save the Charges of Plows, Cattle, and Labour. The Method is this; In an Acre of Ground you bury at six Inches distance, and eight deep, a quantity of Acorns, Dates, Chesnuts, and other Maste or Vegetables whereof these Animals are fondest: then you drive six hundred or more of them into the Field, where in a few Days they will root up the whole Ground in search of their Food, and make it fit for Sowing, at the same time manuring it with their Dung; it is true upon Experiment they found the Charge and Trouble very great, and they had little or no Crop. However, it is not doubted that this Invention may be capable of great Improvement. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 9 | I went into another Room, where the Walls and Ceiling were all hung round with Cobwebs, except a narrow Passage for the Artist to go in and out. At my Entrance he called aloud to me not to disturb his Webs. He lamented the fatal Mistake the World had been so long in of using Silk Worms, while we had such plenty of Domestick Insects, who infinitely excelled the former, because they understood how to weave as well as spin. And he proposed farther, that by employing Spiders, the Charge of dying Silks should be wholly saved, whereof I was fully convinced when he shewed me a vast number of Flies most beautifully coloured, wherewith he fed his Spiders, assuring us, that the Webs would take a Tincture from them; and as he had them of all Hues, he hoped to fit every body's Fancy, as soon as he could find proper Food for the Flys of certain Gums, Oyls, and other glutinous Matter to give a Strength and Consistence to the Threads. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 10 | THERE was an Astronomer who had undertaken to place a Sun-Dial upon the great Weather-cock on the TownHouse, by adjusting the annual and diurnal Motions of the Earth and Sun, so as to answer and coincide with all accidental Turnings by the Wind. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 11 | I was complaining of a small Fit of the Cholick, upon which my Conductor led me into a Room, where a great Physician resided, who was famous for curing that Disease by contrary Operations from the same Instrument. He had a large pair of Bellows with a long slender Muzzle of Ivory. This he conveyed eight Inches up the Anus, and drawing in the Wind, he affirmed he could make the Guts as lank as a dried Bladder. But when the Disease was more stubborn and violent, he let in the Muzzle while the Bellows were full of Wind, which he discharged into the Body of the Patient, then withdrew the Instrument to replenish it, clapping his Thumb strongly against the Orifice of the Fundament; and this being repeated three or four times, the adventitious Wind would rush out, bringing the noxious along with it (like Water put into a Pump) and the Patient recover. I saw him try both Experiments upon a Dog, but could not discern any Effect from the former. After the latter, the Animal was ready to burst, and made so violent a Discharge, as was very offensive to me and my Companions. The Dog died on the Spot, and we left the Doctor endeavouring to recover him by the same Operation. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 12 | I visited many other Apartments, but shall not trouble my Reader with all the Curiosities I observed, being studious of Brevity. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 13 | I had hitherto seen only one side of the Academy, the other being appropriated to the Advancers of speculative Learning, of whom I shall say something when I have mentioned one illustrious Person more, who is called among them the universal Artist. He told us he had been thirty Years employing his Thoughts for the Improvement of human Life. He had two large Rooms full of wonderful Curiosities, and fifty Men at work. Some were condensing Air into a dry tangible Substance, by extracting the Nitre, and letting the Aqueous or fluid Particles percolate; others softening Marble for Pillows and Pincushions; others petrifying the Hoofs of a living Horse to preserve them from foundring. The Artist himself was at that time busy upon two great Designs; the first to sow Land with Chaff, wherein he affirmed the true seminal Virtue to be contained, as he demonstrated by several Experiments which I was not skilful enough to comprehend. The other was, by a certain Composition of Gums, Minerals, and Vegetables outwardly applied, to prevent the Growth of Wool upon two young Lambs; and he hoped in a reasonable time to propagate the Breed of naked Sheep all over the Kingdom. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 14 | WE crossed a Walk to the other part of the Academy, where, as I have already said, the Projector in speculative Learning resided. | ||||||||||||||||||
| 15 |
THE first Professor I saw was in a
very large Room, with forty Pupils about him. After Salutation, observing
me to look earnestly upon a Frame, which
took up the greatest part of both the
Length and Breadth of the Room, he
said perhaps I might wonder to see him
employed in a Project for improving
speculative Knowledge by practical and
mechanical Operations. But the World
would soon be sensible of its Usefulness,
and he flattered himself that a more noble exalted Thought never sprung in
any other Man's Head. Every one
knew how laborious the usual Method is
of attaining to Arts and Sciences; whereas by his Contrivance, the most ignorant
Person at a reasonable Charge, and with
a little bodily Labour, may write both| 16 |
SIX Hours a-day the young Students
were employed in this Labour, and the
Professor shewed me several Volumes
in large Folio already collected, of
broken Sentences, which he intended
to piece together, and out of those rich
Materials to give the World a compleat
Body of all Arts and Sciences; which
however might be still improved, and
much expedited, if the Publick would
raise a Fund for making and employing
five hundred such Frames in Lagado,
and oblige the Managers to contribute
in common their several Collections.
| 17 |
HE assured me, that this Invention
had employed all his Thoughts from his
Youth, that he had employed the whole
Vocabulary into his Frame, and made
the strictest Computation of the general
Proportion there is in the Book between
the Numbers of Particles, Nouns, and
Verbs, and other Parts of Speech.
| 18 |
I made my humblest Acknowledgement to this illustrious Person for his
great Communicativeness, and promised if ever I had the good Fortune
to return to my Native Country, that I
would do him Justice, as the sole Inventer of this wonderful Machine; the
Form and Contrivance of which I desired leave to delineate upon Paper
as in the Figure here annexed. I told
him, although it were the Custom of
our Learned in Europe to steal Inventions
from each other, who had thereby at
least this advantage, that it became a
Controversy which was the right Owner,
yet I would take such Caution, that he
should have the Honour entire without a
Rival.
| 19 |
WE next went to the School of
Language, where three Professors sate
in Consultation upon improving that of
their own Country.
| 20 |
THE first Project was to shorten
Discourse by cutting Polysyllables into
one, and leaving out Verbs and Participles, because in reality all things imaginable are but Nouns.
| 21 |
THE other was a Scheme for entirely abolishing all Words whatsoever;
and this was urged as a great Advantage
in point of Health as well as Brevity.
For, it is plain, that every Word we
speak is in some Degree a Diminution of
our Lungs by Corrosion, and consequently contributes to the shortning of
our Lives. An Expedient was therefore offered, that since Words are only
Names for Things, it would be more
convenient for all Men to carry about
them, such Things as were necessary to
express the particular Business they are
to discourse on. And this Invention
would certainly have taken Place, to
the great Ease as well as Health of the
Subject, if the Women in conjunction
with the Vulgar and Illiterate had not
threatned to raise a Rebellion, unless
they might be allowed the Liberty to
speak with their Tongues, after the
manner of their Ancestors; Such constant irreconcileable Enemies to Science
are the Common People. However,
many of the most Learned and Wise
adhere to the New Scheme of expressing
themselves by Things, which hath only
this Inconvenience attending it, that if
a Mans Business be very great, and of
various kinds, he must be obliged in
Proportion to carry a greater Bundle of
Things upon his Back, unless he can
afford one or two strong Servants to attend him. I have often beheld two of
those Sages almost sinking under the
Weight of their Packs, like Pedlars among us; who when they met in the
Streets would lay down their Loads,
open their Saddles and hold Conversation
for an Hour together; then put up their
Implements, help each other to resume
their Burthens, and take their Leave.
| 22 |
BUT for short Conversations a Man
may carry Implements in his Pockets
and under his Arms, enough to supply
him, and in his House he cannot be
at a loss; Therefore the Room where
Company meet who practice this Art,
is full of all Things ready at Hand, requisite to furnish Matter for this kind
of Artificial Converse.
| 23 |
ANOTHER great Advantage proposed by this Invention, was that is
would serve as an Universal Language
to be understood in all civilized Nati
ons, whose Goods and Utensils are generally of the same kind, or nearly resembling, so that their Uses might easily
be comprehended. And the Embassadors would be qualified to treat with
foreign Princes or Ministers of State to
whose Tongues they were utter Strangers.
| 24 |
I was at the Mathematical School,
where the Master taught his Pupils
after a Method scarce imaginable to
us in Europe. The Proposition and
Demonstration were fairly written on
a thin Wafer, with Ink composed of a
Cephalick Tincture. This the Student
was to swallow upon a fasting Stomach,
and for three Days following eat nothing but Bread and Water. As the
Wafer digested, the Tincture mounted to
his Brain, bearing the Proposition along
with it. But the Success hath not hitherto been answerable, partly by some
Error in the Quantum or Composition,
and partly by the Perverseness of Lads,
to whom this Bolus is so nauseous that
they generally steal aside, and discharge
it upwards before it can operate, neither
have they been yet persuaded to use so
long an Abstinence as the Prescription
requires.
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UTEL [ History of English | English Composition | Literary Authors | Literary Works | Literary Criticism ]